Life is a journey, its unpredictable, it’s full of highs and lows, twists and turns but ultimately at the end of the day, life is funny.
Ever heard the quote, “plan and fate laughs”? That’s exactly what I am talking about, we never really have any idea, just when we think we have worked something out it changes, or is not what we thought it to be.
Three years ago I packed up my bags, left my loving family, great friends, comfortable job and lifestyle for a shot at becoming a Hollywood actress.
Now, before you laugh, I just want to point out how dead serious I was. I had been acting in Australia, my home town, for about 6 years and had some success in shows, films and commercials but I was ready for the big leagues, or so I thought.
When I landed in Los Angeles things happened quickly. I was determined, positive, I had a skip in my step and nothing was going to stand in my way. I got an agent, a manager and started auditioning within just a few months. I felt confident and sure of myself.
I was able to manifest a job that I enjoyed and had flexibility for me to go to auditions, I bought a car, found roommates, an acting class and even joined a hiking group.
Let me just add that I knew no one, I had travelled to LA before but all of this was new, I had to learn how to drive on the right side of the road, I had to learn how to purchase a second hand car (believe me this was not easy!!!) and I had to find out where to go to buy simple household necessities.
While the US and Australia are fairly similar there were still cultural differences. I will never forget going into Sears and trying to explain to the shop clerk that I wanted a doona. (In the US, a doona is called a comforter…go figure..)
Anyway, so I began the auditioning process and I was fairly lucky. I was getting regular auditions and even a few callbacks. Things were looking good in that department but every time I tried to create a sense of stability in my life, it seemed like the Universe would just not allow it.
Whenever things got rough, and believe me, they did, I would just remind myself what I moved to LA for, I moved to pursue a wild, crazy dream. I moved here to pursue my acting.
About a year into my journey I started auditioning a lot, two sometimes three times per week and more. I booked a commercial for a huge national brand, my agents and managers were sending me out for great projects, I should have felt happy, but inside I felt empty and anxious.
In fact, all I felt was anxious. Suddenly the joy that I had acting turned into anxiety, suddenly the word audition created a pit in my stomach the size of Antarctica. It was like over night, I had lost all my passion.
This lack of passion eventually led to me leaving my agent, leaving my stable, audition-friendly job and wading about in the LA river….ok not really, but it felt like that!
That was about six months ago now and while I won’t say that I will never go back to acting, right now I don’t really have any desire.
For the first time in my life I have no plan, no direction, no desire to “pursue” anything. For the first time I am just riding the waves and being open to what the Universe has in store for me and let me tell you, although it’s scary, I am discovering more about myself than I ever dreamed.
This growing awareness has allowed me to explore talents that I never even knew existed, its allowed me to be free to go follow my heart, it’s allowed me to really understand that life was never meant to be taken seriously.
Life is funny.
