I grew up a girl who wanted to fall in love with her childhood best friend. You know, the way Cory and Topanga ended up in ‘Boy Meets World’. I also always loved ‘The Wonder Years’ but remember how absolutely outraged I was during the series finale when Kevin’s voice over says him and Winnie stayed friends for the rest of their lives and how he met her husband- WHAT?!?
Let’s face it though, that’s what real life is. You don’t usually end up with you childhood sweetheart, or even your high school or college boyfriend. I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but these things are very unlikely to happen.
Thank god for that!
I am still very much the same girl I was 10 years ago, but I didn’t really know who that girl was yet. Even now, so much has changed and so much has been learned in just the past two or three years.
You see, we all want to have that romantic fantasy from television shows and movies because it makes for what we believe is a better story.
The truth is, it’s overplayed. Making your own real stories and living sincere beautiful events are how magic moments happen. You don’t plan them. You can’t. You can never even know when they’re coming.
I was in a relationship for a few years when I was younger and even made it work for the first few years of college doing long distance. I knew for at least a year that it wasn’t working, but wasn’t ready to admit that to myself unless a big explosion happened.
Why would you break something that’s not broken?
You need to listen to your gut. If it’s not feeling right, that means you don’t feel right. You can’t question it.
I was finally able to admit to myself that the reason I hung on for so long was because I was scared to be alone. I, for some crazy reason, thought it would be too scary to admit that I was terrified about my future because I secretly knew I needed more confidence.
Sometimes something that plain and simple is horrifying to step into.
It was rough at first. I thought I really missed him, but honestly, I missed the distraction of dealing with another external issue rather than my own. I felt too weak to face them.
I know a lot of people face this, all in different ways.
For me, I was 20 and I was a year ahead in college and was suppose to graduate soon. I felt completely unprepared because I knew I wasn’t ready for adulthood yet. I was very much by the books. I always had a job, a good internship, went to my classes, did my homework early, never smoked and didn’t really party. You’d think that’d mean I was by all means ready than most.
No. I needed my time to learn who I was, and during my ‘single’ years I experienced things instead of just doing what my beloved after school programs told me to do.
My friends thought some of this was cute or funny, but it was serious for me. I didn’t wear makeup for almost a year, until I felt comfortable in my own skin. Now I fix myself up, for me. I don’t care to look good for anyone else.
I also extended my stay and took the 4th year of college instead of graduating early with more internship hours and some electives. I experimented with procrastinating for the first time and during finals weeks decided to write all my papers the night before and even morning of. I discovered that that wasn’t my forte – although, by some miracle I did very well on them, but it was way too much pressure!
I even tried my drunk phase. I actually tried getting drunk, but turns out I don’t really like most drinks or the act of being that drunk.
You see, lots of these examples may sound silly but I discovered during the years I was single that running away from who I was, always led me back to that same person. I was mad at first, but now feel so happy to have gone through that. I now know why I am the way I am. I can’t change.
I know who I am, and not only do I accept her, I love her.
Those years of being single were the years I became a young woman. I cherish those times! I also made some of my best friends during that period, without even knowing, made me feel special and accepted me for me.
I’ve been in a loving relationship with my boyfriend for three years now. As much as I fantasized about falling for the boy next door and had unrealistic dreams, somehow I ended up with a guy even better that I thought. I am amazed still how lucky I am, and how well we click. He gets me and knows things about me that I’m not even sure I’ve discovered yet.
I’m in no way trying to parade my love and promote some PDA (yuck-not my style).
My message is this: you can’t find Mr. Right if you don’t know what you want. You will only be able to find that special someone after learning who you are and accepting yourself first.
