A Spiritual Guide to Dealing With Family Over the Holidays

spiritual dealing with family

Ram Dass said, “if you think you are enlightened, go spend a week with your family.”

For many of us our positive affirmations, spiritual work, and zen like state can easily be disrupted by our family members.

Sound familiar?

There are a few reasons for this-

Reason #1: The issues with our family often run on a deep, subconscious level. In fact, sometimes the issues run so deep that it is hard to even comprehend where it all began. Being with family can easily trigger past memories or past events that can stir things up within the subconscious.

Reason #2: The blocks surrounding love that most of us carry around can be easily projected onto those we are closest to. This often occurs in families and can manifest as feeling like you are never good enough or that certain family members have expectations that can never seem to be met.

Reason #3:  We are very connected to our families spiritually and energetically. In spirit form we all chose our family and agreed to work with the situations and dynamics that were destined to present themselves. Often families are souls that you have strong connections with from past lives and this adds to the weight and effect of their energy.

Find it hard to believe that you chose your family in spirit?

There have been many accounts of children, both biological and adopted that have claimed they chose their parents. A book was even published on it by Dr. Wayne Dyer and Dee Garnes called Memories of Heaven.

Here are some excerpts-

At the age of five, my younger son announced out of the blue that he had chosen my wife and me to be his parents. Intrigued, my wife asked how he had done this. He matter-of-factly stated that while he was in heaven before he was born, he had been allowed to go through one door to pick his parents, and through another door to select his brothers and sisters. We were not churchgoers, and have no knowledge of his having obtained this idea from any external source.

– Robert J. Rinne
Orthez, France

One night at dinner, our younger foster/adopted son (he was around four years old) started talking at great length about his life “in the stars” and how he had all these brothers and sisters who lived there. He said he’d seen my husband and me from there and tried to get our attention many times but we never could see him, so he decided to be born through his mom so we could find him.

My husband and I were floored to say the least. I’d had a few miscarriages after my first son, so once my younger son told us what he’d seen, I knew his soul had been trying to come in through me even though my body was not able to do it.

– Melissa Held-Wegner
Longmont, Colorado

No matter what you believe, everyone comes into our life to teach us and evolve us.

They come to open our awareness, expand our souls, and remind us of our true potential.

We are all spiritual and energetic beings, attracting into our vibration everything that we need all the time.

Your family holds a strong ancestral and energetic bond that is unlike any other relationship.

You were birthed out of the energy of your mother and father and within your DNA is theirs, within your body and mind you have their footprints.

You were sent into your family, or rather you chose this family for a reason as you believed you could achieve the most soul growth and advancement through them.

You chose your family because that is what your soul needed most. Your soul needed to be channelled through their energy in order to achieve what it is here to achieve.

Usually the issues that we have within us are triggered the most by our family members.

Usually the issues that we have in regards to our family are not just manifested by ourselves, they can also be inherited and passed down from generation to generation.

You can see this in family patterns, especially if certain family members are very similar or have had similar life themes play out.

In your astrology chart there are two key planets that dictate the energy of your mother, the moon and your father, Saturn.

There are other factors that will determine the relationship with your parents, but astrologers usually look to these planets.

The Role of Mother Moon

In astrology the moon represents your emotional processes and your feelings of security and safety. Astrologers look to the moon to see how you deal with emotions and how you feel the most safe and comfortable as you move through this world.

Often we inherit these feelings and attributes from our mother as usually it is our bond with her that makes us feel safe and secure, at least when we are starting out in life.

If you never felt a sense of emotional security or comfort from your mother or another maternal figure growing up, this can sometimes dampen the relationship that you have with your mother.

Alternatively, if you have not been able to find a sense of comfort and emotional security in this world, you may project this on to the relationship that you have with your mother or other females.

The Role of Father Saturn

In astrology Saturn represents rules, boundaries and restrictions. It is Saturn’s energy that helps us to approach things in a mature way and makes us feel grounded and motivated.

Often we inherit these feelings and attributes from our father or other paternal figures as they often teach us about boundaries and rules and guide us into our maturity.

As much as we all love to feel free, boundaries give us structure and order and without them we can either feel lost or go in search of them in other people or even in our careers.

Alternatively, when boundaries are imposed too forcefully or strictly, it can make us feel smothered, inhibited or rebellious.

If you never felt a sense of groundedness or boundaries, or if you felt that these elements were too overbearing it may have manifested as having a strained relationship with your father.

Of course, our family issues don’t just have to be with our parents. Often there can be upsets between siblings, cousins or even in-laws.

Either way, learning how to navigate through the holidays or any family gathering can not only help keep the peace at the dinner table but more importantly in your own heart.

Here is what you must remember-

Prepare yourself beforehand so you are spiritually and emotionally secure.

If there is a certain family member that always pushes your buttons, or just being around your family seems to cause you stress, you may want to spiritually prepare yourself before meeting with them.

This can include meditating, reciting mantras and cleansing your aura or energy with sage. Basically, anything you can do to raise your vibration and keep your energy positive and light.

It may also be beneficial to visualise your family gathering going smoothly and beautifully and putting good vibes out there before the event.

You may also want to create a little plan or have a mantra ready to go if  you find yourself confronted or triggered by a certain person.

You cannot control what others think, feel or say all you can do is control your reaction towards it.

At the end of the day, we have no control over what others do or say. The only thing we can control is our own reactions and thoughts.

If you do find yourself triggered or upset with comments made by a family member, try your best to stay calm and keep your vibration positive and loving.

Don’t be tempted to fight back or get angry, you know in your heart what is true and you don’t need to affirm yourself to others.

Take a deep breath instead and focus on either changing or leaving the conversation altogether. If you do feel the need to put your foot down, try to assert yourself with calmness and without being defensive.

Remember, when you judge others for their judgements or respond with aggression, you are further deepening the trigger point. Even if you can’t respond with loving kindness completely, even the intention to try can make a huge difference.

Some people don’t want to understand and can’t understand and that is ok.

Sometimes certain things are better left unsaid.

This doesn’t mean that you need to lie or hide who you are, but sometimes leaving out certain details with family members who you know are not going to understand can help keep things peaceful and can make things feel less stressful.

It may also be helpful to remember that everyone is just doing the best they can at their level of consciousness.

Family issues run so deep that sometimes it is better to just let them go.

Honestly, you could sit on a psychiatrists chair digging up ‘mommy’ or ‘daddy’ issues for the rest of your life.

While some analysis and reflection is good, eventually you have to learn to accept things just as they are.

Sometimes it is really through accepting and unconditionally loving your family that true healing and awareness can begin and you can start feeling at peace in their presence.

Mantras for Dealing with Family Conflicts

“I see my family through eyes of love and I peacefully let go of past thoughts and feelings that no longer serve me.”

“I am so grateful for every member of my family and all my relationships in my life are blessed with healing light and love energy.”

“I choose to see my family as a gift and I love and accept them for exactly who they are right now.”

“I am building wonderful and supportive relationships with my family and everyday I give and receive more love for them.”

“I will no longer remain a victim of my past and will clear away any thoughts and beliefs that I have inherited that are no longer serving me.”

When it comes to dealing with family we will always be tested, but if you can leave space in your heart for compassion and to look at things without judgement then things will definitely feel easier.

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About the author


Tanaaz is the creator of Forever Conscious. She is an intuitive astrologer and aims to use her writing to heal and inspire. She is also the author of several books including the Power of Positive Energy, Messages for the Soul, and My Pocket Mantras. She also runs online courses and in-person retreats.