The Healing Heart

When one door closes, another one opens. When one path ends, another begins. When life throws us cheese, make cheeseballs! (Okay perhaps the latter is not relative.)

The ending of friendships, relationships, family bonds or ties to people in general can cause our heart to ache. This is fact.

Many emotions surge within as we process the storms of betrayal, guilt, fear, anger, regret, loneliness and a plethora of other yuckiness. Sometimes, there are many transitional feelings that can’t even be named. Yet may I be so bold to say that- it is not reality. It is the Ego mind. And it will pass.

Yet to weather the storm, to allow it to pass- one must permit these feelings to come and go. One must feel it All. And look within.

I speak from experience.

I am processing the end of a 6 year relationship. All relationships are special, but this one- well it wins the “Most Special” Award ( thus far).

Within this relationship my ex partner, ( golly that sounds weird) and I owned a business together, lived together, moved countries together and searched each others souls to eventually find our own. To say our lives were intertwined is an understatement. And now- the road has forked off. And we are walking on our own.

When the decision was made to end our relationship, initially, I felt good. There was a build up of over time that made this decision the only reasonable way to go. And so I allowed it. Just like I allow myself to indulge in apple pie once a week. It seemed only natural.

Then the weeks progressed. The realization of life without Him was excruciating. The emptiness intoxicated me. All of a sudden the feeling of walking about stark naked took over me. I was exposed. Raw. And who wants to be naked?! ( That’s a rhetorical question). All of these “feelings” seemed to surge in the middle of a month long Mercury Retrograde too. ( A planetary time known for mis-communication.)

I wanted to talk to him. I wanted to not talk to him. I wanted to hold him. I wanted to scream at him. I wanted to cry with him. I wanted to laugh with him. I wanted to philosophize with him. And then- suddenly it hit me.

My entanglement was all revolved around Him. I mean, rightly so, I didn’t break up with a Koala Bear, I broke up with a very real decent Man. However, now that we had “parted”, all my pain was associated to Him, (or so I thought.)

When I finally gained some Zen, I started to look internally- without judgement. I simply sat in my own grief. And took Him out of the picture.

What was it within Me, 100% me, that triggered these feelings? Him aside. Without judgement.

To put it in relative terms- If I was in a relationship, only with me, then what is causing what I am feeling?

A whole bunch of things surfaced. And I m still wading through them. But this is the first time, within about a month of the “break-up” that I am feeling a sense of freedom. Within myself. And my future.

Are you going through a transition with a Lover? Friend? Companion?

I truly recommend looking in the mirror. Really looking. Not for punishments sake. But for what life is trying to communicate to you. What you are doing to you.

Are you not in relationships, because there was/is something about the “other” that you yearn/d to experience? Which is, really, something within you that you are called to experience? For greater learning. For an expanding Life.

Be still. Most of this is not discovered through the mind. Nor through the emotions. Its on the other side of this.

Your healing heart will mend. It will. Be in Grattitude. Yes, I know that word sucks sometimes. But damn, its true.

Look at you as if you were the only one in this relationship. What would you say to yourself? What would you want for yourself? What have you learned about yourself? How can you get back to You?

Much love to you All, in whatever stage of mirror gazing you are at.

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About the author

Penny Brown