Why Relationships Sometimes Hurt

why relationships hurt

If relationships are all about Love then why sometimes do they feel so difficult?

Relationships and Love go hand in hand but often don’t see eye to eye.

We are already love; at our core we are all love. So being in a relationship is definitely not necessary to experience love at it’s purest form. However, through life, society, conditioning and the ego we often forget that we are love and go and seek love in our relationships.

Many of us find love through our relationships as sometimes they serve as a reminder as to who we truly are, however others find struggle and disharmony in their relationships because they can’t quite seem to find the love that is supposed to be there.

Society teaches us that relationships are supposed to be blissful romantic walks in the park, that through a relationship we learn to love and experience all the blissful, whimsy that comes along with loving.

But perhaps this is not the case at all.

Perhaps relationships are really there to release and expose the blocks that we have surrounding love. If we are already love and if love already lives inside us, perhaps relationships are there to guide us to return to this.

“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”– Rumi


And the best relationships, the ones that truly allow us to love, are the relationships that allow us to grow, are the relationships that allow us to grow so tall that we naturally release and break down all the barriers that we have built up against love and the truth of who we really are.

Growing this tall hurts, growing this tall takes work. Growing this tall takes hard, truthful awakenings. Awakenings that require you to really be present, to be open and to be trusting.

This is where relationships get tricky. Most of the time relationships have nothing to do with a lack of love and more to do with a lack of support, nurturing and trust to express the love that is already there.

Relationships challenge us to be open enough to express the love that we already are and this can make us feel vulnerable. It can stir up fears, fears from the past, from our conditioning and also from society.

Essentially, relationships force us to grow into our fullest potential and without this growth, they become old and stagnant. Without growth, couples tend to grow apart. Again, it seems that relationships are not so much about love, but more about growth.

On a soul level, relationships mirror our strengths and weaknesses and allow us to look deeper inside of ourselves. They allow us to understand our power and dynamic and essentially they teach us that love is not something to have, it is something that we already are.

Relationships are not really about learning how to love, we already know how to do that, relationships instead are about clearing through all the blockages we have surrounding giving and receiving love- a love that already exists inside us from birth.


When we go into a relationship looking for love, trying to find love, and trying to get love, we fool ourselves because we are already love. What we are actually looking for is the right growth, nurturing and security to be able to express our love.

Love comes naturally to us when we step into the flow of our being, and the right relationship will nurture us just enough so we can step into the authentic flow of the love that we are.

Perhaps relationships are about finding that right person to grow with so we can express the natural love that we all have inside.

It is truly impossible for relationships to be rosy all the time, because without friction, without a challenge and without some tweaking, we can never really grow into the love that we already are.

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About the author


Tanaaz is the creator of Forever Conscious. She is an intuitive astrologer and aims to use her writing to heal and inspire. She is also the author of several books including the Power of Positive Energy, Messages for the Soul, and My Pocket Mantras. She also runs online courses and in-person retreats.