How to Stop People Pleasing

Are you a people pleaser?

Growing up I made my life mission to please those around me. I would go out of my way to please others in the hopes that I would be liked and accepted.

Being able to please others also gave me feelings of self-esteem and self-worth, however this was all short lived.

Like most people pleasers out there, eventually the continual cycle of people pleasing left me feeling drained, taken advantage of and lost on the inside.

Energetically, people pleasing sways you from your true authentic self and your true authentic path, which can make you feel out of alignment and confused about your purpose.

After I had my awakening, I definitely noticed my desire to people please reduce. Interestingly enough, I also had a few “friends” in my life melt away when I stopped people pleasing.

People pleasing can be detrimental to your soul and moves you off course and away from who you truly are. People pleasing also never really satisfies you, as it is nearly impossible to please others 100% of the time.

True self “pleasing” comes from within, and no one can ever really please you except for yourself.

Knowing that now, I wanted to share with all the people pleasers out there how to stop people pleasing and reconnect with your true authentic self.

Why Do You People Please?

For me, people pleasing was about being liked. I really wanted to be liked by those around me as I didn’t really feel loveable or worthy.

Most people who people please are also healers and feel a natural inclination to help and assist others.

While it is fine to assist and be of service to others, when you start to suffer, when you start to feel drained or compromised, that is when you need to pull back.

Take a moment to get in touch with your self, why do you people please? Is it to feel loved? Is it to feel worthy? Is it to avoid conflict?

Why Should You Stop People Pleasing?

There are many reasons to stop people pleasing, but here are my top 10-

  1. People pleasing moves you away from your true authentic self
  2. People pleasing moves you away from your path of purpose
  3. People pleasing drains your energy
  4. People pleasing never truly ends
  5. People pleasing allows you to attract manipulative relationships
  6. People pleasing will never be fulfilling
  7. People pleasing only does harm to yourself
  8. People pleasing makes you feel smothered or indebted to others
  9. People pleasing will not boost your self-worth in the long run
  10. People pleasing will never allow you to truly love yourself

How Do You Stop People Pleasing?

Setting an intention to stop people pleasing can sometimes be enough to set things in motion. Being aware of your people pleasing attitudes can also help you to set organic boundaries.

Here is a mantra from my book, Messages for the Soul that may help-

“Today I give myself permission to put my own needs first. Today I will honor all that I am and respect my own boundaries.”

You may also benefit from:

  • Understanding and accepting that not everyone has to like you
  • Understanding that your true friends and partners will stick by you
  • Practicing self love and self respect 
  • Feeling worthy within yourself
  • Not caring so much – it’s not your job to please others or have others like you
  • Setting firm boundaries with others
  • Standing up for yourself and putting your needs first
  • Not being afraid of conflict
  • Going within and asking yourself- what do I truly want?
  • Releasing the idea that putting yourself first is selfish
  • Releasing your insecurities about not being good enough
  • Learning how to say No without having to make a list of excuses
  • Accepting and releasing any guilt that follows from saying No

Once you start putting your foot down and creating boundaries in your life, things will definitely get easier and you will start learning how to deal with your people pleasing ways in a less fearful manner.

Over time you will also start attracting people into your life who are not going to take advantage of your generous nature and that will respect your boundaries and space, however you have to do that for yourself first before you can expect others to!

So take a pledge today-

“I (insert name here) am going to make a conscious effort to stop pleasing others and instead put my own needs and desires first because I am a worthy, wonderful and amazing being who is perfectly enough.”

Image Artwork by Jannele Mastin

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About the author


Tanaaz is the creator of Forever Conscious. She is an intuitive astrologer and aims to use her writing to heal and inspire. She is also the author of several books including the Power of Positive Energy, Messages for the Soul, and My Pocket Mantras. She also runs online courses and in-person retreats.